I shall now return the favor

Old School Journal

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a continuation from this POST

This was a month later from the last post out of an old school journal that I dug up the other night, I wrote this as I revealed to my mother what I was planning on doing with my life, as I felt God calling me into the ministry.

MOM: All week I prayed, hoping that she would be my number one supporter.  As I told her found myself gazing into her eyes hoping for the confidence that would take me to the next step.  As Her beautiful eyes swelled with tears, I knew she was proud of my decision, but she was also horrified about that path that could so easily walk all over me, but I’m ready just as I have always been.  Question after Question like I’m the prime suspect of confusion, but I assured her “maybe spur of the moment, but I know this is me.  Scared, worried, emotional, excited.  All these things but not confused!” This is who I am, this is what is going to fill the void that’s been empty for so long.  Wow little did I know my whole life is based on this feeling and thought that has been eating me up inside.  My car, my furniture, my place, job, life all this is no longer my representation, but one man that gave up his life, I shall now return the favor.

This was also written in 2002 in which I was 20 years old, and I was living in a studio apartment, it was the first time I lived alone with no roommate and really was fending for myself during this time.  I met my mom at a Mrs. Winners and was terrified that I was going into the mission field tomorrow and she was going to kill me.  I laugh now because it wasn’t until, lets see… 6 years later before I would actually move to San Diego and actually become a missionary.  Maybe my conversation with her  was a little premature?

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