…not only a character

Old School Journal

2721131773_e533e071b6_mThis is a Continuation of a previous post from my Journal from several years ago.  But this post is somewhat of a specific recall of this moment.

The above link was when I first told my mother about  my calling and this was written a year later and I was still struggling with the acceptance of this calling in my life.

The Decision part II. (June 6 2003)

A while back a decision was made for me, my life was put on a path…a path that has become easily forgotten.  Well this last week I found my place on that path again.  A faint voice in my heart was ever present but on and on again I tried to smother it.  Well today I’m jumping back in the swing of things and I thought it would be easy, but it has proven even harder than I thought.  This unexpected surprise  slapped me in the face, but courageously I’ll run with this again, and with a little hope in my eyes I will actually find the end of this race this time.  I’m so tired of everything being a fairy tale, all of it being so make believe.  Its nobodies fault but mine, Ive made everything seem so pleasant, and like I had it all together but really I was dying on the inside.  Everything is so misleading in my life; sometime its so hard to even breathe because I think about maybe this time Ive actually bit off more than I could chew.  But I know you’ve carried me through all of this, and I know you’ve been there through whatever has happened.  You were doing exactly what you promised, making sure you had full control over the ending of this script.  Now I realize that I’m not only a character in this story but I have a lead part.

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