This is a Continuation of a previous post from my Journal from several years ago. But this post is somewhat of a specific recall of this moment.
The above link was when I first told my mother about my calling and this was written a year later and I was still struggling with the acceptance of this calling in my life.
The Decision part II. (June 6 2003)
A while back a decision was made for me, my life was put on a path…a path that has become easily forgotten. Well this last week I found my place on that path again. A faint voice in my heart was ever present but on and on again I tried to smother it. Well today I’m jumping back in the swing of things and I thought it would be easy, but it has proven even harder than I thought. This unexpected surprise slapped me in the face, but courageously I’ll run with this again, and with a little hope in my eyes I will actually find the end of this race this time. I’m so tired of everything being a fairy tale, all of it being so make believe. Its nobodies fault but mine, Ive made everything seem so pleasant, and like I had it all together but really I was dying on the inside. Everything is so misleading in my life; sometime its so hard to even breathe because I think about maybe this time Ive actually bit off more than I could chew. But I know you’ve carried me through all of this, and I know you’ve been there through whatever has happened. You were doing exactly what you promised, making sure you had full control over the ending of this script. Now I realize that I’m not only a character in this story but I have a lead part.