Why does gone for now feel so much like gone for good?

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Most of you know but I turned 27 today, that may be young to some of you or to a lot of the encouraging people I surround myself with seem to feel as though I am beginning to see the light on the other side of the hill. But I started thinking today, and I don’t want this post to seem like a downer post or that I was feeling sorry for myself or anything like that but this birthday was different.  Usually my friends and I back home would go eat out then  maybe head back to the Phillip’s house and shoot the breeze about our yesterdays till the late hours of the night.  We always carelessly put ourselves out there and strummed the memories that lie on the other side of our heart, but yet it is so compelling.  I would always enter these times thinking I knew them and myself for that matter, but I would always leave feeling closer and more apart.  The number one thing I get when I go back home is how long will you be gone?  And here in San Diego with the lives that have begun to entwine in the last couple months it seems I sort of get the same question, just on the flip side, its always how long are you staying?   I have always been torn with this question because gone for now always feels like gone for good to my life back home and it always seems like gone for good here is only gone for now.  I never want to think I have left for good….but I never want to think this is just a season.  See following God is the funniest thing, its like a leaf on a cool fall morning being carried by the wind as it departed from the tall tree out front that has shaded you most of your life, your five and the greatest opportunity  that has shown face in days is the chance to land this leaf.  That’s how I feel while following this calling to San Diego, God has given me an opportunity to defy the odds and catch the untouchable.  But gone for good hurts.  But then again gone for now, is tricky?  This is about the part you probably have quit reading because this trail seems to have no end, but that’s the thing, what counts as the right decision these days and what counts as the wrong?   Here is the answer to the question for all of you out there,  never say never cause you don’t know tomorrow, gone for now sometimes means for awhile and gone for good means, well till the leaf becomes low enough for me to reach and then I guess I am done till next season, when he blooms a new opportunity to prove last year was only preparation for now.

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