That sinking feeling

Community, Ministry, Thoughts

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There have been many times in my ministry where I have gotten to this point, and yesterday was another one of those days where I evaluated who I was, what God has called me too, and how I was going to make it through.  

See this page has been an avenue where I have spoken candidly on Life, ministry, and all the grey in between.  That “Grey” is the bleed over from both compartments in my life, who I am as a Pastor and who I am to the rest of you.  Many of these posts never make it live, but nonetheless these are my thoughts.

See often times whether when I was in the corporate world or now in the church world, people have approached me and exposed their souls to me.  Which for a moment is kind of a relief… since this is something that my title has required from me for some time.  So for that moment its like we connect, we know what each other is going through and we for a second are on an even playing field.  It’s nice.  Well then other times it feels like I am a lifeguard perched in my tower. Over this sink hole.  Looking for the one, the one I am here to help bring salvation to.  The difference here is when I jump in to assist, there is too many to help, too many to bring to the surface, or to the edge.  In fact for a moment it’s like saving someone who is drowning, the natural reaction is to bring you to their level instead of you raising them to yours. And for that moment my calling feels like it’s to the bottom of the pool.  Hurt, Wounded, Broken, Hopeless, Lost, Dead.

Yesterday was that day for me.  There are so many people around me that need a hand up.  No matter if it is self induced or not, they are drowning and screaming for help.  And I hurt individually for every one of you.  And I can’t get you out of my mind.  But the message is the same.  

Ephesians 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Though you think this is about you, or them.  The encouraging but hard truth is, its not.  In fact it’s not about me either and in these moments I feel helpless too.  

It’s about a fight, a battle, a victory, a defeat, but not about us.  Take heart though things seem lost, He is salvation; He has overcome the very world that holds you back.  And though everything in you says you are alone, your not.  And in these moments, I am beyond thankful I am not either.

I’m sorry, but this to shall pass.

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